The Best Comment Ever

The Court of Neal Rauhauser

I feel pretty!  Oh so, pretty!

I feel pretty! Oh so, pretty!

Plus, the best link ever******Satire based on and a few other things.

Relic December 27, 2012 at 1:50 AM

Can you just see this wanker in court trying to sell his ever-changing conspiracy theories?


Neal: Your Honor, you see I have this chart here of associates.

Judge: And where did you get this?

Neal: From Twitter. I’m a highly trained intelligence analyst and….

Judge: Associates from Twitter? How’s that?

Neal: Twitter allows people to follow other people on Twitter.

Judge: So?

Neal: My super-duper-troll computer has the ability to graph these people from Twitter and Maltego them so I can get everything from their family members, employers, high school mates and profile them on my blog with maps of where everyone lives. I LOVE MAPS, don’t u? I have these lovely mind-maps from….

Judge: That’s stalking!

Neal: You say potatoe, I say potato!

Judge: Excuse me?

Neal: Sorry, a wee bit aspie.

/Judge scowls and sniffs the air

Neal: The computations lead us right to the extremists I lay out in my Breitbart-ISR cell essay.

Judge: Breitbart-ISR cell?

Neal: Well that was later replaced with my masterpiece I call KOOKPACOLYPSE!

Bailiff: Watch that lisp. You just shot spit in the Judge’s eye.

Neal: Sorry, wee bit lyme.

/Bailiff backs away and sniffs the air

Neal: It’s all tied into HBGary, The Jester who stole all my limelight and that asshole Tom Ryan…. *whispers* who I’m going to sneak up on and fracture his skull from behind with something hard!*

Judge: What did you just say?

Neal: HBGary! I’m the one who wrote the congressional report that got things moving. I worked for Rep. Grivalja and own the company Progressive Political Strategic Tweets that candidates who want to run the government hire so they can get elected. Then I go into Twitter with socks such as WingNutWatch, wear a super-heroes mask (that The Jester asshole copied) and lay some smack down on people who I declare are behaving badly.

Judge: The Jester?

Neal: Vigilante, loose cannon, happens to be from the U.S.

Judge: You joined Twitter as WingNutWatch and wore this stupid mask to quash political speech as part of a service to get congressional candidates elected?

Neal: That’s me! *grin*

/Judge opens to sections of the federal code and shakes his head

Judge: And what is this picture of the Mad Hatter have to do with this chart?

Neal: That’s my avatar! Wee bit austie.

/Judge frowns

/Neal sucks his teeth

/Judge grimaces in digust

Neal: Sorry, tofu for breakfast and eggs, with a dash of salty spice. I’m a buddhist and…

Judge: I see you also go by Carlito2000 and in the case of The United States vs. Barrett Brown….

Neal: Carlito’s Way, bro. I didn’t ask for this, it just comes to me :-(

Judge: The tape says it is you by you. You also go by Aspentas, BangoSkank and a former colleague of yours states that you once pretended to be Sarah Palin on Twitter while you were operating this PPST company while being a card-carrying member of Infragard.

Neal: No, no. I don’t seem to recall….

Judge: You admit to being in something called Project Vigilant but were thrown out after playing both ends against the middle with government officials, Wikileaks, Bradley Manning and the Anonymous Hacktivist Group.

Neal: I’ll have you know I have James Christy on speed-dial! And former DOJ Cyber-Crimes Unit, Mark Rasch! I have powerful Twitter socks! AnonyOps, AnonyNewsNet….

Judge: The FBI investigation states they received “a tidy little package” from you…


Judge: “Lulz”?

Neal: derp

/Stenographer blinks rapidly

Judge: You threatened to kill former Vice-President, Dick Cheney and ….

Neal: Wee bit alchy.

Judge: For 16 years?

Neal: Tell me YOU have never posted using the wrong account before and gave yourself away accidentally?

Judge: Never.

/Neal hiccups and burps

/Court Artist scratches his head

Judge: So you stalk people, they find out who their assailant is and you complain that the reverse is true.

Neal: It doesn’t have to be true. It just has to be believable.

Judge: Then you threaten them with lawsuits, delve into their personal lives, call their local law enforcement jurisdictions and hunt them down, Nazi-Germany style.

Neal: I offer suggestions after laying out computational-troll dynamics and ….

Judge: Like killing them with liquid nitrogen or drowning them to death?

Neal: Barking dog complaints. Recommend me on Linked-In?

Judge: No thanks, I’ve listened to you on Vince in the Bay.

Neal: Which one? The one where I get ripped a new asshole by AssHurtMacFags or the one where I cleverly suggest that people who cross me need a health and welfare check?

Judge: Which brings me to my next point of SWATTING and a Manifesto you’ve written on the Hidden Wiki bowels of the Internet…

Neal: Oh, that! *teehee*

Judge: Where you suggest regarding the country in general: “we want you to watch it burn to the ground so we can rebuild it”, calling for revolution, resistance and subversion. That’s treason and a felony crime not to mention how you were completely intolerant in 2010 of much lesser dissenting political speech to the point of writing novels on how to write people up with the SPLC and deliberately meddle in their lives by maliciously fabricating charges against them.

Neal: It was a joke! I mere hoax! Just ask Adrian Chen. He’s right over there wearing the ballerina dress and the shoe on his head.

/Chen stands and steps into the aisle, twirling towards the bench on his toes before being tackled by the bailiff as the Judge throws down his gavel and breaks for lunch.

*Satire based on and a few other things.

15 Responses to “The Best Comment Ever”

  1. 1 TheTimeShifter January 9, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    in your dream BangoSkank, you certainly don’t want me to be part of your nightmare, isn’t it? who knows, maybe it’s already too late ;-) knowing the sick mind you are, i have to state: it’s not a threat, it’s a promise…

    21:01 testeux1?
    21:01 doxed?
    21:02 no
    21:02 i want his dox
    21:02 anonymousdowns
    21:02 too

  2. 2 Incognito January 6, 2013 at 4:10 AM

    “accidentally” is Pythorian, aka “pyth” in that recording.

  3. 3 Kelly January 4, 2013 at 2:37 AM

    “huh? you should e-mail me”

    I’d be happy to take care of that.

  4. 7 Magoo December 30, 2012 at 5:56 PM

    23:47 ok i am reg’d
    23:47 +aop please?
    23:54 -!- mode/#treehouse [+o accidentally] by BangoSkank

    +aop targetnick Gives permanent moderation privileges
    +o targetnick Gives temporary moderation privileges

    no +aop for accidentally

    A better question is who dumped the log? Someone in there didn’t like what they were reading.

    • 8 TheCryingWolfeBlog December 30, 2012 at 6:15 PM

      Can you send me an email as to what this means?

      • 9 Magoo December 30, 2012 at 8:26 PM

        It means a Nick (username) on IRC registered the handle “accidentally” and asked for channel moderator privileges (kick, ban, voice, etc. commands that others don’t normally have by default). He registered that handle to be eligible to make that request.

        “Accidentally” asked for +aop privileges which would have given him permanent moderation privileges of the channel but only got temporary moderation privileges.

        Depending on the server, use /help to see the available commands once you’re connected to it.

    • 11 December 30, 2012 at 5:05 PM

      15 hours ago
      /dump /p/af/v/e/PaperSiteJS

      The pastebay is particularly revealing. It’s an IRC log of Neal Rauhauser
      using the handle of BangoSkank. He’s a real “skank” alright. He’s
      seen in this log with a bunch of friends showing off his stalking skills
      and soliciting help for gathering more personal information on people
      to attack.

      In the parody piece linked above, it states that it’s “based on and a few other things”.

      The FBI might want to pay particular attention to the part that discloses that
      there’s an audio tape running around proving that Neal Rauhauser also
      acted as Carlito2000, whose communications with Barrett Brown incited
      that man to threaten an FBI Agent and where Barrett Brown is current in
      jail awaiting trial because of this incident but Neal Rauhauser remains
      a free bird. Word has it that it was Kevin Gallagher (a whole other saga) aka @ageis on Twitter who gave it to Neal Rauhauser as a heads up that the FBI was in possession of the tape. He got it from Barrett Brown’s ex-girlfriend.

      I suspect that anyone wanting to know what’s on that tape should probably
      seek out the satirist, Relic, who can probably only be reached through
      Mike Stack, the first victim of SWAT’ing which was a direct measure to get him killed due to Neal Rauhauser falsely accusing Mike Stack of hacking former Congressman, Anthony Weiner and planting Weiner’s lewd photos in Weiner’s YFrog account. It never happened as we later found out. Neal Rauhauser made it all up just as he has done with every person he profiles and stalks. He’s the epitome of psychopath.

  5. 13 Relic December 30, 2012 at 3:11 PM

    haha! Thanks, Mike!

  6. 14 -Steve December 28, 2012 at 1:20 AM

    My reaction is exactly what Magoo said:

    Magoo December 27, 2012 at 3:46 AM

    The funniest thing about Relic’s comment is that the details are all true and most are direct derivatives taken straight from Neal’s own mouth and writings. I’m looking forward to the judge getting back from lunch. hahahaaa

  1. 1 Further Tales of ‘Heroic Hatred’: Down the Rabbit Hole With Neal Rauhauser : The Other McCain Trackback on December 27, 2012 at 10:57 PM

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